Posted on March 11, 2008 - by Calvin L. Smith

Englishman Near New York (12)

Did some more browsing in a different Christian bookshop today over here in the U.S, and found yet more must-have yet totally useless items. These included a large wood-carved sailboat with verses from the Bible printed on the sail (why?), silk ties with Bible verses, a kinetic flashlight (torch) with 1 John 1:7 emblazoned on the side (it is called the Walk in the Light Flashlight… do you hold it above your head shining downwards on your feet or something?), a belt with a buckle in the shape of a cross, and a penknife with 1 Corinthians 1:18 on the blade (couldn’t see the connection; any help would be greatly appreciated). I also have further Bibles to add to the list from the other day, including the Life in the Spirit Study Bible, Smallest Bible, Family Life Marriage Bible, Expression of Me Bible (in hot pink with glitter), the Faithgirlz Bible, Baby’s First Bible, and Revolution: The Bible for Teen Guys.

Totally unrelated but in the spirit of giving further insight into American life and society, here are a couple of quick minor observations. Watched a hunter on television today track down and shoot a massive elk. This fellow was your stereotypical hunter (big beard, camouflage, boots, ammunition belt), and after the kill, as he moved towards his prey, they played the Rambo theme song ? (If you are American you may not see why this is so funny). Next, last night I took my daughter through the Arby’s drive-thru for a sandwich. Arby’s specialises in wafer-thin roast beef piled onto sandwich buns. She had never been to an Arby’s so wanted to see the menu – the main choice was Big, Bigger, or Biggest! Finally, I ripped off a kitchen towel to take with me this afternoon (too lazy to buy tissues). This thing was like no other paper kitchen towel – I had to fold it sixteen times to fit it in my pocket. Alternatively, I suppose I could have cut it in half diagonally, written Bible verses on each half, then attach them to life-sized replica sailing boats. That or use it as a tablecloth, sleep under it in place of a duvet, or place an upright telegraph pole underneath it and hold an evangelistic campaign,  Only in America.